It has been such a long time since I have felt this longing to feel God's presence again. Back when I went to Hume Lake my whole world changed and I felt God then, more than I have ever felt him before. It gets so hard to live a life pleasing to God when the world is so screwed up. It's easy to feel God wrapping his arms around you when you are surrounded by goodness and natural beauty up in that mountain. Finding a way to feel that same thing in the midst of the ugliness of the world today is what God wants from us.
I find myself getting lost in worldly things and it is so frustrating! Being a lukewarm Christian is not what I want for my life. It is not what I want for my kids one day. I want to grow in God daily so that when we do have children, we will be able to have that goodness found at Hume Lake, in our own home. I want to have a home that is welcoming and wholesome with all the love in the world. A place my kids can come to to be built back up when the world tries to bring them down.
For the past few days I have all of a sudden been intrigued by fasting. I have never actually done it, I might have tried to do it once before, but I didn't succeed with it. And I realize now, that the reason I didn't succeed, was because I wasn't actually doing it to become closer to God, I did it because it seemed like it was "the right thing to do" or "if I didn't do it I would look like a bad person". Now, I feel like I am turning a page in my life, ready to tackle the world. My desire to have a relationship with God is so extreme I feel like I really can do this. I am going to go on a fast for the next 1-2 weeks (depending on my health of course), with no food, only water, certain tea's, and JUICE with my new juicer =]
I know this wont be easy, by any means. It's only day one and my body is already feeling it, tired, "starving", and anxious. I just know that it will be worth it. I just need to pray. pray, pray and keep it to myself. This is something I am sure I will struggle with because I have always been one to express how I am feeling, especially if its being hungry! But this verse is something I will have to keep reminding myself of and hopefully I will be able to go throughout my days not complaining! After all.... this isn't about me.
"When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you" (Matthew 6:16-18)