Wednesday, July 11, 2012

So much to learn...

I just started reading this book called "Whats it like to be married to me" and let me tell you, WOW! This book is everything I needed and then some. I am only on the first week and I have already learned so much about myself and my marriage. We obviously have our own struggles and issues, as will any relationship, but many of them could have been and can be completely avoided. If I would have fully understood advice given to me and advice I have given myself from the beginning, we would have been much better off much sooner. The problem was that everything was so perfect from the beginning that we never had to face a struggle together and it is much harder than it may sound on paper. Its all about making choices. Choosing to love, rather than be angry.
I realized that I have based our marriage off of how Joel makes me feel and not how I make him feel. Yes, this is a two way street but I have been more on the gimmie gimmie gimme end rather than the, what are your needs end. I will be the first to admit that I have failed at being a loving, selfless, and submissive wife. However, I am so glad I found this book when I did because I have a new outlook on what kind of wife that really is. If you know me at all, you will know I am extremely independent and I dont like being told what to do (yes, just like a 5 year old) so you can imagine my thoughts on submitting to my husband. I thought, "ok, I can submit to some things and other things I can go against and it will be fine." It doesnt work that way. I need to put all of my trust in Joel for us to truly work the way God intended us to work.
In this book, the author explains how we women get our desires and our goals for our marriages mixed up. We think that our goal for our marriage is to "have a loving relationship" to "have an exciting romantic relationship" and to "have our marriage be a picture of Christ's love". These are things that we cannot control ourselves. We cant control how our husbands act, speak, or think. What we can do, is set goals for ourselves on how to be a loving, exciting, romantic, godly wife. We can control that. We can live out our role as wife the way we were intended to live it out and we can be happy with just that. Whether he makes me out of my mind crazy or not, I should be consistent.
There is so much to learn and its amazing watching God work in our lives already, transforming every word that comes out of my mouth, making me a better wife as we speak. I am so thankful Joel hasnt ever given up on me and will spend the rest of my life working to be better every day!

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